This week has been a tale of contradictions.
Difficult news about family.
Achieving success on personal goals 5+ years in the making.
Health issues and the ripple effect struggles.
Relief and joy in the little things.
I hope something in this week's note finds you just when you needed to hear it.
The Art of Letting Up
Whenever I think about consistency, I think of the below graphic:
I couldn't tell you when the first time I saw something like this, BUT I do remember the way it made me feel the first time...
It was like someone took a 100 lbs off my shoulders.
As a neurodivergent person, I spent most of my whole life striving for (and mostly achieving) the first row... it was just at the expense of my future self - hello burnout.
I spent too many years blaming myself for not being able to achieve consistency easily.
A part of me was determined to believe the struggle was a personal failure.
Can you relate?
Yeah? I had a feeling.
When that voice decides to creep back in, look at this graphic as a reminder that we get to redefine consistency so we don't end up burnt out.
It's okay to letup.
It doesn't make you less productive.
It makes you human.
So this week...
Try This:
The Expectation Check
Whether you're aware of it or not, we all have expectations of ourselves (and others - but that's for another day).
By regularly checking in with those expectations and meeting yourself where you are, you can reduce unnecessary stress and create more sustainable, compassionate goals for yourself.
To get started:
Set aside 10 minutes at the end of your day or week.
Take a piece of paper (physical or digital) and create two columns. Labeling the first "My Expectations" and the second "Reality Check."
In the first column, list 3-5 expectations you had for yourself today or the week. These could be related to work, personal goals, or how you thought you "should" feel or behave.
For each expectation, ask yourself:
Is this expectation sustainable given my current circumstances?
Where did this expectation come from? (e.g., myself, others, societal pressure)
How does holding this expectation make me feel?
In the "Reality Check" column, write down a more balanced or compassionate view for each expectation. This isn't about lowering your standards, but about acknowledging your humanity and the complexities of life.
Choose one expectation to adjust for the coming day or week. How can you reframe it to be more supportive and sustainable? If you need to keep it as is, set a date to revisit it when some time has passed and it may no longer be needed anymore.
At the end of the exercise, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you're doing your best with the resources you have right now. 🖤
Remember, the goal isn't to eliminate all expectations. Expectations are normal and healthy. The goal is to ensure your expectations serve you rather than hinder you. Regular practice of the Expectation Check can lead to greater self-compassion and a more balanced approach to your personal and professional life.
BONUS TIP
For people who menstruate, you may find this practice easier to do or more supportive when done during the menstrual phase of your cycle. Some studies suggest it is easier for our brains to reflect and do the more solo, quiet tasks during that time.
From My Journal
One of the books I read a few weeks ago has a scene where a father was talking to his son about making his career his whole life.
More specifically talking about NOT doing that. He told his son, "Time is a thief." Not wanting his son to wake up one day and wonder where all the time went.
Then last week I was catching up with my niece (in law) and talking about her kids going back to school. We were commiserating about time flying as her oldest hits a milestone birthday when she said the exact same phrase to me, "Time is a thief."
I tend to be a firm believer that getting the same message twice in a short amount of time means it is begging for attention...
So this is me paying attention.
And It's got me in my feels.
Because it's true.
Time moves so quickly.
Whether you have kids or pets.
Whether you work a 9-5 or do your own thing.
Whether you move away from home or stay close by.
Whether you have an active social life or a quiet one.
The time always passes anyway.
It's also hitting especially close to home for me because this summer marks 10 years since I moved to Oklahoma.
And sometimes it feels like I blinked and jumped from my mid-20s to my mid-30s almost overnight.
I don't have anything grand solved or epiphanies to share with you.
I'm still working to find harmony between (1) being present in moments with others and myself, (2) reflecting on the past to learn, growth, and practice gratitude, and (3) proactively thinking about the future without trying to white knuckle through the unknown.
And I'd bet good money I'll still be working on this when I look back in another 10 years.
I hope future me is proud of how far we've come in that work then too.
WHAT I'M LOVING:
Grief is a topic that is difficult for many to talk about, myself included. This newsletter continues to be one of the few that I read and love. A recent quote from it has stuck with me: "What grief asks the most of us is to be acknowledged. It yearns for our presence and attention."
I'm so happy to have finished the most infuriating book I've read all year. My completionism mentality with books really bit me in the ass with this one. I should have DNF'd.
The last of watermelon season and summer fruits before fall comes crashing in and forcing a change up of all my safe meals.
HAVING A GREAT TIME HERE?
Here's a few ways you can let me know:
Option 1: 💌 Share with a fellow creative or business owner. Community starts with each of us and friends don't let friends chase their dreams at the expense of their mental health! If you know someone seeking more sustainability and harmony in their life and/or business, send this their way.
Option 2: 👋 Say hi! Hit reply and share a sentence or two about anything you enjoyed or hit home for you. I always hope these words find the right people at the right time, but it's always makes my day to hear from you!
