My particular edition of neurodivergence meant that no matter my age, I was regularly questioning authority, looked for the best way to do something and not the "way it was always done."
(Made me real popular as a kid... 😅)
And yet I was still deeply conditioned and struggled to let go of the "shoulds." I even think to an extent I've taken in so much content about releasing the "shoulds" that now every time the word shows up, I have to pause and question whether I'm saying it intentionally or habitually.
Jury is still out whether I think this is an improvement or an extreme response to original productivity rules we were given growing up.
Even when I logically knew that I didn't have to work the same way anymore, actually doing it was a whole different story. Part of this is just the difficulties that come with behavior change as humans, and some of it is because things have to look different for those of us with neurodivergence.
While the things I teach are necessary for neurodivergent and chronically ill folks to find a sustainable way of life, they are helpful for everyone in a world that wants to keep the status quo when it may not actually be good for you.
The Permission Paradox
If you are here reading this, then I feel like I can safety say that logically, you know that you could work differently and are motivated to figure out how to do so.
You want to prioritize your wellbeing.
And you know that pushing through isn't sustainable.
And yet...
These things still feel really difficult to do.
If I'm on the right track, then I have some good, or at least comforting, news for you...
Research shows that this gap between knowing and doing isn't just you.
It's deeply human.
A 2020 study found that even when we fully understand the need to change our behavior, actually making that change requires much more than just knowledge or permission. [1]
Think about it... have you:
Known you needed a break but pushed through anyway?
Understood the importance of boundaries but still said yes?
Recognized you were burning out but kept the same schedule?
🙋🏻♀️ 👈 me to all three as I write this—maybe you too?
This isn't a personal failing.
The ingrained "shoulds" about productivity aren't just in our heads. They've become patterns within our society and culture that require systematic intervention to change alongside the individual work we do here.
A few weeks ago, we touched on habit formation when talking about systems because the reality is that "21 days to build a new habit" advice? It's a myth.
Research shows it can actually take anywhere from 18 to 254 days (aka 6+ months!!), depending on the person and behavior, with most people needing about 66 days of consistent practice to make lasting changes. [2]
(Just a reminder that consistent practice doesn't mean perfection 🫶)
Is it any wonder that it can feel like such a challenge when we're trying to work against systems designed for a mythical "average" person?
Just like how exposure to blue light impacts our circadian rhythms differently, or how some people are more sensitive to environmental stimuli, our energy patterns and needs are uniquely our own.
This is why simply having "permission" to work differently often isn't enough because you're not just changing behaviors, you're:
Unlearning deeply conditioned responses.
Building new evidence-based habits.
Creating systems that actually work for your unique needs.
The key isn't willpower or just "knowing better." Studies show sustainable change comes from collecting evidence through consistent practice that new methods work better. It's about building your own evidence bank of what truly supports you. [3]
In business, we already use the power of data for lots of things:
📈 Tracking metrics
📏 Measuring Results
🔍 Analyzing Patterns
And while we don't want to look at everything in life as data driven, there is a very real need for intuition and feeling oriented action in life...
What if we applied that same power of data to building the evidence around our unique energy patterns so it's easier to move into move into thoughtful and intuitive systems?
Like creating your own personalized research study, where you're both scientist and subject.
This IS NOT about proving anything to anyone else.
It's about gathering concrete evidence that helps you trust your instincts and validate your needs when the world around you (personally and at large) has done it's damnest to mold you into the mythical average person.
Most productivity advice relies almost entirely on external validation—someone else's research, someone else's "proven" methods.
*FREEZE FRAME*
I want to be very clear, this IS NOT a critique of science or research being bad overall or generally. External validation and other people's research can be very valuable, necessary even. We need each other and can learn so much from those around us. This IS a critique of inclusivity in research. This article by the American Pyschological Association is a great read on how that is being approached within the psychological community.
If you've been around here for any length of time, you know that research is a huge part of the work I do, and has helped me build the framework which makes this work easier to not only start, but to accomplish sustainably. This felt like a very important and necessary call out given today's world, the changes happening around content moderation, censorship, mis- and disinformation that is dominating the algorithms these days.
Two things can be true—we need our own unique research and collective research. What is untrue... is the narrative that by following someone else's proven method, you will automatically be successful in X thing. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't.
*UNFREEZE*
But what works for others may not work for you. Building your own evidence bank allows you to collect real, personal data about what actually supports your success which can and should be guided by collective research.
Evidence collection is different just simply tracking. Tracking is part of evidence collection, but it cannot be the only tool used. This is where a lot of energy management resources fall short and make it seem impossible to make the changes you are seeking.
Here's what makes evidence collection different from typical tracking:
👉 It focuses on patterns, not performance. Instead of just measuring how much you get done in a specific amount of time, you're noticing what conditions help you work best doing what, where, and when.
👉 It validates your experience. Those moments when you think "I always struggle with meetings after lunch," now you have data to confirm or challenge those instincts. This is important for those of us who internally gaslight ourselves about our needs and "norms" we do or don't fall into.
👉 It builds trust in your instincts. Over time, recognizing your patterns before they impact you allows for proactive rather than reactive adjustments. You've already proven you can handle reacting to the world around you, but what if you can put down the "always on" response system and only use those skills when they are absolutely necessary?
Let me share a personal example: For years, I would go with appointment times that were "easiest" which is the short way of saying I agreed to a time as quickly as possible out of anxiety and my people pleasing tendencies so that I wasn't a burden or difficult. (I just want to hug past me, she was doing the best she could.) But this meant that I would take morning appointments and then arrive at work mid-morning or early afternoon in the thick of action. This was an absolutely horrific experience for me anytime I had appointments. Two things became really apparent: (1) that I needed recoup time after appointments because I was battling a medical system that didn't listen or believe me, and (2) that I needed to be one of the first to the office before things got hectic to regulate my nervous system to the environment change from bed-shower-car-office. Even before I knew I was neurodivergent, my body understood the toll all those transitions where taking on me. This was one of the first things my evidence bank showed me. It made setting a new boundary with myself—to move appointments to late afternoons after 2pm—clear and allowed me to intentionally start my day, finish important work, and then step away to take care of my appointments and personal needs with time to recoup after. This wasn't a judgment of my abilities, it was simply data and information about when I could show up best for both myself and others.
Client after client has discovered similar insights through this same process:
One found that 90-minute deep work blocks followed by 30-minute breaks worked better than the standard 60/15 split.
Another discovered they needed client sessions in the afternoon, instead of all day so they could show up for clients and still take good care of themselves and their other responsibilities.
Several realized their "productivity blocks" weren't actually about procrastination, but about misaligned energy timing.
Today we're going to look at how to begin being an evidence explorer...
Try This:
Exploring the Evidence
Most of us carry around "shoulds" about productivity that we've never actually tested. This week's exercise helps you start building your own evidence bank by examining one of these beliefs and collecting real data about what actually works for you.
HOW-TO:
STEP ONE: Choose Your Focus (10-15 min)
List 3-5 productivity "shoulds" you often tell yourself (like "I should be able to focus for hours at a time" or "I should be more productive in the mornings.")
Pick one that feels most present in your life right now.
Write down where you think this belief came from (family, work culture, social media, etc.)
STEP TWO: Design Your Mini-Experiment (15-20 min)
Create a simple hypothesis based on your chosen "should."
Define what evidence would support or challenge this belief.
Pick 2-3 specific data points to track (energy levels, focus quality, task completion, mood, etc.)
Choose a timeframe (3-7 days recommended for starting.)
STEP THREE: Collect Your Evidence
Throughout your chosen timeframe, track your chosen metrics at these key moments:
When you are following the "should" advice.
When you are listening to your natural inclinations.
Note any surprising patterns or insights.
Document external factors that might impact results.
IMPORTANT NOTES + PERSONALIZATION IDEAS:
Focus on collecting information in the moment and saving the analysis for later.
Use whatever method of recording info that you'll actually use. Whether that's your notes app, a notebook, post-its, photos, voice notes, or a combination of a few of these. As long as you can find it all at the end of the experiment to review.
Set specific check-in times that work for your schedule and aim for majority, not perfection.
Create a simple rating system that makes sense to you. Easy to remember = easy to stay consistent.
Ask a partner or friend to share observations and help you stay accountable. You never know, they may want to do it with you!
REMEMBER:
This isn't about proving yourself (or anyone else) "right" or "wrong." It's about gathering information that helps you live and work better. Creating your evidence bank is giving you a tool for making decisions based on what actually works for your needs, not what others think should work for you. Every piece of data, whether it confirming or challenging, is valuable information about how you work best.
From My Journal
Between TikTok being banned, Meta removing content moderation, and the inauguration tomorrow, I feel like the energy and vibes going into this week are going to be a ride.
I'm trying to feel like this.
But the reality is probably more like this.
Take care of yourself, your loved ones, and your communities folks. <3
*both images are from this post*
WHAT I’M LOVING:
On Monday, I officially hit 730 days (or 2 years) in a row of reading. I'm glad I found my way back to reading. It was a huge part of my teen years and it's been fun reconnecting to those parts of myself I used to think I had to outgrow or leave behind as I got older.
Honestly, quiet, dark, alone time. Reading that back sounds ominous lol. The holidays are some of my favorite times a year but they are also very taxing on my nervous system and generally come with a ton of overstimulation. I'm excited for no TV weeks, less lights in the house, and the ability to exhale a bit as we all get back into the "normal" groove of life.
HAVING A GREAT TIME HERE?
Here's a few ways you can let me know:
Option 1: 💌 Share with a fellow creative or business owner. Community starts with each of us and friends don't let friends chase their dreams at the expense of their mental health! If you know someone seeking more sustainability and harmony in their life and/or business, send this their way.
Option 2: 👋 Say hi! Hit reply and share a sentence or two about anything you enjoyed or hit home for you. I always hope these words find the right people at the right time, but it's always makes my day to hear from you!
