I spent the last couple weeks not doing one of the most important things on my to-do list... fixing my book covers.
Not because I didn't know they needed fixing. It wasn't because I didn't have the skills. But because every time I opened that folder, my brain turned this molehill of a task into a mountain. If Mount Everest had a bigger, meaner brother… it would have been that mountain.
A frustration-riddled, maybe all-week project that I couldn't afford to start because what if I couldn't finish it, and what if it ended up wrong again, and what if the whole thing was beyond what I could handle. Because at this point—one year, eight rounds of proofs, six-plus months of editing (followed by even more editing)—I was beginning to wonder if I should just call it.
It took me five hours.
Five hours, one hyperfocus day, to fix three file variations, upload them, order proofs, and catch a pricing error in the distribution system that I didn't even know existed.
That thing I'd been avoiding for weeks? Turned out to solve even more than I anticipated.
On the outside, it looks like I was just avoiding the work (I wasn't. Okay, well, I was, but not really). I was avoiding what the work was asking of me.
This week ended up being the one where a lot aligned for me to get there. I finally hit the high point in my cycle (even if these days it feels like trying to hit a moving bullseye). Enough accountability to someone whose opinion I care about. Nerve pain that after a weekend surge had finally got a bit quieter. And the oh-so-delicious level of hyperfocus that kicks in when the stakes hit just right.
I was like my InstantPot when the beans are finally done–that pressure finally hits a crescendo and I was able to release the all that frustration I had been lugging around for weeks so that I could finally move.
That frustration is the thing I want to talk about.
Because I think a lot of us (and I mean a lot) have been trained to treat friction like a character flaw. Like the resistance we feel toward a task is proof that something's wrong with us, that we need more discipline, a better morning routine, or a tighter system.
When really, friction is information. It's the work talking.
My friction this week was telling me: there are emotions here you haven't looked at. This task carries more weight than its literal description. You're not fixing files, you're deciding, again, to put yourself out there to be seen. And your body is tired. And instead of allowing it, you're fighting it.
My nervous system was overloaded and I hadn't let myself admit that this specific work was asking more of me than my task list could reasonably convey.
So the next time you're in the spiral, the task that's been sitting there for days (or weeks), the one your brain keeps making enormous, try getting curious before you get frustrated. Even when that grace is hard to reach for, I want you…
TO SIT WITH:
What is the friction actually telling you?
Because it's telling you something. It always is.
P.S. While I was writing this, one of the three book proofs arrived (and it looks great). One down, two to go!
Currently Obsessed
Fairytales: For the last couple years I’ve been studying fairytales in my spare time. Everything from rewatching childhood favorites to reading books like The Witch Must Die by Sheldon Cashdan, and getting my hands on 1980s omnibus fairytale books. It’s been one of the most interesting side quests I’ve gone on in a while, and I’m especially looking forward to the upcoming Cinderella reimagining, Steps, and the discourse our current culture is having around reimagining fairytales (and beloved fiction) in general.
Collagen Swap: Over the last few weeks of research and testing, I finally found my replacement brand, Bubs. Even at it’s best, Promix wasn’t this good, so I’m calling it all for the best. Curious to see if I still feel the same over the next couple months, but honestly, the fast that I don’t NEED frothing whisk—it just dissolves in water seamlessly—gives me high hopes.
The GF life: If you’ve been around for a few, you know that me and gluten are not besties. Lately, I’ve been loving nachos as a quick, easy, indulgent-feeling dinner that hits all the right spots. Costco now sells their prepped street taco chicken by itself, along with tortilla chips, lime crema (this one from Costco is my favorite, but this one from Target is a good alt option), queso blanco, shredded cheese, and a handful of Taco Bell mild sauce packets—chef’s kiss!
