My particular edition of neurodivergence meant that no matter my age, I was regularly questioning authority, looked for the best way to do something and not the "way it was always done."
(Made me real popular as a kid... 😅)
And yet I was still deeply conditioned and struggled to let go of the "shoulds." I even think to an extent I've taken in so much content about releasing the "shoulds" that now every time the word shows up, I have to pause and question whether I'm saying it intentionally or habitually.
Jury is still out whether I think this is an improvement or an extreme response to original productivity rules we were given growing up.
Even when I logically knew that I didn't have to work the same way anymore, actually doing it was a whole different story. Part of this is just the difficulties that come with behavior change as humans, and some of it is because things have to look different for those of us with neurodivergence.
While the things I teach are necessary for neurodivergent and chronically ill folks to find a sustainable way of life, they are helpful for everyone in a world that wants to keep the status quo when it may not actually be good for you.
The Permission Paradox
If you are here reading this, then I feel like I can safety say that logically, you know that you could work differently and are motivated to figure out how to do so.
You want to prioritize your wellbeing.
And you know that pushing through isn't sustainable.
And yet...
These things still feel really difficult to do.
If I'm on the right track, then I have some good, or at least comforting, news for you...
Research shows that this gap between knowing and doing isn't just you.
It's deeply human.
A 2020 study found that even when we fully understand the need to change our behavior, actually making that change requires much more than just knowledge or permission. [1]
Think about it... have you:
- Known you needed a break but pushed through anyway?
- Understood the importance of boundaries but still said yes?
- Recognized you were burning out but kept the same schedule?
🙋🏻♀️ 👈 me to all three as I write this—maybe you too?
This isn't a personal failing.
The ingrained "shoulds" about productivity aren't just in our heads. They've become patterns within our society and culture that require systematic intervention to change alongside the individual work we do here.
A few weeks ago, we touched on habit formation when talking about systems because the reality is that "21 days to build a new habit" advice? It's a myth.
Research shows it can actually take anywhere from 18 to 254 days (aka 6+ months!!), depending on the person and behavior, with most people needing about 66 days of consistent practice to make lasting changes. [2]
(Just a reminder that consistent practice doesn't mean perfection 🫶)
Is it any wonder that it can feel like such a challenge when we're trying to work against systems designed for a mythical "average" person?
Just like how exposure to blue light impacts our circadian rhythms differently, or how some people are more sensitive to environmental stimuli, our energy patterns and needs are uniquely our own.
This is why simply having "permission" to work differently often isn't enough because you're not just changing behaviors, you're:
- Unlearning deeply conditioned responses.
- Building new evidence-based habits.
- Creating systems that actually work for your unique needs.
The key isn't willpower or just "knowing better." Studies show sustainable change comes from collecting evidence through consistent practice that new methods work better. It's about building your own evidence bank of what truly supports you. [3]
In business, we already use the power of data for lots of things:
📈 Tracking metrics
📏 Measuring Results
🔍 Analyzing Patterns
And while we don't want to look at everything in life as data driven, there is a very real need for intuition and feeling oriented action in life...
What if we applied that same power of data to building the evidence around our unique energy patterns so it's easier to move into move into thoughful and intuitive systems?
Like creating your own personalized research study, where you're both scientist and subject.
This IS NOT about proving anything to anyone else.
It's about gathering concrete evidence that helps you trust your instincts and validate your needs when the world around you (personally and at large) has done it's damnest to mold you into the mythical average person.
Most productivity advice relies almost entirely on external validation—someone else's research, someone else's "proven" methods.
*FREEZE FRAME*
I want to be very clear, this IS NOT a critique of science or research being bad overall or generally. External validation and other people's research can be very valuable, necessary even. We need each other and can learn so much from those around us. This IS a critique of inclusivity in research. This article by the American Pyschological Association is a great read on how that is being approached within the psychological community.
If you've been around here for any length of time, you know that research is a huge part of the work I do, and has helped me build the framework which makes this work easier to not only start, but to accomplish sustainably. This felt like a very important and necessary call out given today's world, the changes happening around content moderation, censorship, mis- and disinformation that is dominating the algorithms these days.
Two things can be true—we need our own unique research and collective research. What is untrue... is the narrative that by following someone else's proven method, you will automatically be successful in X thing. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't.
*UNFREEZE*
But what works for others may not work for you. Building your own evidence bank allows you to collect real, personal data about what actually supports your success which can and should be guided by collective research.
Evidence collection is different just simply tracking. Tracking is part of evidence collection, but it cannot be the only tool used. This is where a lot of energy management resources fall short and make it seem impossible to make the changes you are seeking.
Here's what makes evidence collection different from typical tracking:
